Valentines Day. Tips for happy, healthy relationships
It’s Valentine’s Day! For many people Valentine’s Day is a symbol of love, romance and fun. Our relationships can bring us joy and happiness but can also cause us challenges and difficulty.
Valentine’s Day for some may be a day when they are feeling a little overwhelmed and under pressure. Pressure to be in a relationship, pressure to make the person you are with feel cared for or happy, pressure on yourself, from peers, from family, maybe your not in a relationship and are feeling a little lonely.
There are so many factors affecting people’s lives that can put pressure on their relationships so we have put together a sure fire checklist of things to do to make sure that the relationships you are in, whether they are romantic or not you are happy, healthy and pressure free.
Surround yourself with positive people
Whether it is a romantic relationship or family or friends make sure that you surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and who you feel like you can be yourself with. You won’t be able to make everyone happy all of the time but relationships are a two way thing. Think about the people around you. Do they make you laugh, do you feel safe with them, can you be yourself? If not then maybe it’s time to distance yourself from them.
Treat people with respect
Good relationships are built on trust and honesty. It’s important for you to first of all be honest and respectful with yourself. Ask yourself do I feel confident sharing things with them, do I trust them, do they trust me, do they make me feel safe, happy, respected? Do you think that you show these things to them too? If you don’t feel these things ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you or should you maybe start distancing yourself from them?
Make time to chat
Communication is vital in successful relationships, so make time to talk. It can be hard with the schedule of school, college or work to feel like you have time to just chat. Chat about your day, your interests, your plans for the future, your relationship, the things you like and don’t like. Remember it’s good to talk but it’s just as important to listen. Being listened to makes us feel understood and cared for.
Find resolutions
All relationships go through periods of challenge and difficulty. Arguing sometimes is a pretty normal part of a relationship. We are all individuals with individual, thoughts, feelings and fears. When you do argue try to see if there are things you can compromise on. Make sure that if arguments do happen that they are resolved in some way, even if you can’t find the perfect solution remember it’s ok to disagree with each other. Try and respect that person’s side of things and try not to always assume that you are always right and they are wrong.
Consent is key
You might have heard the word ‘consent’, it means things like ’yes’, I give my permission’, ‘I agree’, and ‘I want to’. You need to understand what consent is, how to give it, and how to hear someone when they give consent.
This is especially important when it comes to being in a sexual relationship with someone. Having a girlfriend/ boyfriend/ partner should be exciting and positive.
If your partner says no to anything you do, (or want to do) you need to hear them, believe them, accept it, and respect their decision.
Even if someone says yes, they are ready to do something (like kissing or having sex) and then when the time comes, they do not want to, and they say so they are not consenting.
If someone has used too much alcohol or drugs, they are not legally able to consent.
If you think the other person might not be able to remember the next day, they cannot consent.
You might be angry or disappointed that they have changed their mind - but if you do not stop you are breaking the law and potentially wrecking your relationship.
If you are not sure, check If they say no, stop, if they do not want to, then don’t
Check in with your partner, how do they feel?
Are they happy, having fun, having a nice time?
Do they seem worried, nervous, or uncomfortable?
Are you happy, worried, nervous, or uncomfortable?
If you are not ok why are you doing it?
Do you both want to do it?
If you feel you are in a relationship that makes you feel scared or worried you should talk to someone. You can do this yourself or a friend or relative can do this for you.
In an emergency call 999.
In a non-emergency, call Merseyside Police on 101. Crime can also be reported to the police online.
Domestic abuse can be reported anonymously online to Crimestoppers or by calling 0800 555 111.
If there are concerns about a child or young person at risk of harm, abuse or neglect this should be reported to the Wirral Integrated Front Door Team by email to cadtsocialcare@wirral.gcsx.gov.uk or call 0151 606 2008 (9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday) and outside of these hours call 0151 677 6557.
Advice and guidance can be sought from Wirral Family Safety Unit.
The most important thing is to tell someone - a friend, relative, colleague, support service or agency.